A life in limbo

Artist Ksenia Ilina had left Russia soon after the beginning of the invasion on Ukraine, when it seemed to her as if she fell in a ”big black hole” of shattered reality. She was engaged in helping out the citizens of Ukraine who were trying to leave the war stricken areas, and after residing in Finland and Germany, followed by a temporary stay in Serbia - at the Small Art Center of Zemun (ZMUC). She currently resides in France, where she is trying to find work and a meaning of life in a new reallity.

Ksenia Ilina, limbo, 2022.

– Your final exhibition with the project Limbo was on March 23rd? After which you left Russia with the last train to Finland? Could you describe your life as a refugee artist since the beginning of the war? Where did you live and what have you been doing in the eve of the aggression, and once it started?
 
Ksenia Ilina: I took part in a group exhibition in Moscow. Installation of exhibition day was set for February 24th. Early that day I boarded a train from St. Petersburg to Moscow and I was crying all the three hours of the trip. I was reading news and couldn't believe my eyes that it was possible, just to start bombing a neighboring country. It was as if I got on a train that brought me to some kind of a parallel reality.
Later that day after the installation some other artists and I went to an anti-war protest in Moscow.

My project that I presented at the exhibition that day was called 'Limbo'. Where Limbo is defined as an indefinite waiting period for a decision; intermediate state or condition. It is associated with a sense of aimlessness and meaninglessness, a general stagnation that hinders movement.

Then there were protests in St. Petersburg, and then I decided to leave. In early March, I left by train for Finland, and it was almost the last train between St. Petersburg and Finland. I stayed at an art residence in Finland, then I lived in Germany, and then I stayed at an art residence in Serbia. 'Artists at Risk' organisation and friends helped me a lot.

Ksenia Ilina, limbo, 2022. 

At the beginning of the war, it seemed like a giant black hole  had sucked in and distorted reality. It is impossible to explain the darkness I used to feel. Later I volunteered online for a while in the 'Helping to Leave' organisation which helps Ukrainian people to leave to a safer place out of the country or inside. It was also tough.

– What was the reaction of your family in St. Petersburg when you left Russia protesting the war?
 
Ksenia Ilina: Some supported me, some did not understand me. But in the end, they all supported me.
 
– All of your sisters are artists, where are they at the moment? Including yourself?
 
Ksenia Ilina: My younger sister is in Helsinki. My older sister is in St. Petersburg. And I'm in Paris now, living on St. Petersburg Street.

– Did your career suffer while you were in Serbia?
 
Ksenia Ilina: No, to be honest the only thing I could do that time was just processing a new reality and my everyday life changing almost all the time. My career was on the second step at that time.
 
– How would you rate (1-10) your stay and work in Serbia, some good and bad things worth mentioning?
 
Ksenia Ilina: Serbia is charming, has incredible nature, people are always very open, warm and kind. It is very difficult for me to evaluate a country, each country has its own rules and traditions.

 
– Being a Russian, have you been discriminated because of your ethnicity? If yes, how?
 
Ksenia Ilina: No
 
– You had no luck collaborating with an agency in Belgrade, is it better in France? What is the name of the organisation that helped you with a French visa?
 
Ksenia Ilina: The AAE organisation (l’atelier des artistes en exil) in Paris, France helped me obtain a temporary residence and work permit in France. They help artists who left their countries because of various causes as the war or discrimination and etc.

I’m looking for a job at the moment in France, but it’s complicated to find a place without speaking French.

– What would be an ideal residency for artists at risk, such as yourself?
 
Ksenia Ilina: I reckon having a personal space is very important when you are away from home. A space where you will be by yourself. It won't feel like ‘home’, but at least like your own safe space.
 
– How are you now?
 
Ksenia Ilina: I’m fine, but still a bit in limbo

*Portret photo: ZMUC

**Ksenia Ilina - limbo, 2022. (pdf)

(SEEcult.org)

*Funded by the Stabilisation Fund for Culture and Education 2022 of the German Federal Foreign Office and the Goethe Institut